nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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