he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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