My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My dad just said "fuck circus"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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