I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My vagina just recognized that song.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
