it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize