i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
