In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
