Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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