that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
