I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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