I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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