help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's Friday. Sex?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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