She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
