It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
