I could make wine with my vomit
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
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