I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
