That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
