someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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