Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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