your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
