They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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