did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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