If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
