You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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