I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The cops high fived after they tackled you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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