none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So. Much. Porn.
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