I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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