The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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