Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
