I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
