I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
this just has baby written all over it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
