i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i believe in u and ur pee
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
