$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
