remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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