True but thats because hes a fetus.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
