You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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