So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
