i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
