Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
