I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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