took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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