I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
