I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
