He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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