why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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