So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
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We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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