just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
