All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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