chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
