some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
