Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize