I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
