So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
