I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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