Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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