Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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