My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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