Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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