Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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