Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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