put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
