you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drake has all the answers
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
