I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
