need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
