Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize