i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
